I'm sitting here with a total desire to begin, but for some reason or another, I cannot seem to organize my thoughts to paper. It's ever so frustrating - not being able to do the one thing that I can normally do so easily - and yet, there is nothing to do but write and write some more until everything aligns itself. Only then, will I be able to go to sleep.
One of the things bothering me right now is my inability to let things go. The problem is that with not much to do during the day, I tend to do anything that I do with a certain concentration and focus. It's the only thing that keeps me from pining at Adam's return like a Stepford wife eagerly awaiting the, "Honey, I'm home!" For instance, when I clean the apartment, I do it über-thoroughly. (Well, somebody has to.) I've taken up cooking for Adam and I almost as one would hobby one's stamps in order to keep my mind from numbing this summer. However much I enjoy only working part-time as a nanny-of-sorts, I am dying for a real challenge.
Today though, I had the opportunity for an "adventure." I was out riding my bicycle around the area when I passed by an older gentleman with a stalled car. By the end of the time I spent with him calling CAA on my phone, directing traffic at the intersecting around his car like a cop, and waiting with him for CAA, it had been a good two hours or so. I haven't that much fun in awhile!
At times, I think that my time spent here is boring and ridiculous when I could be living at home for free, but then I realize: Not only is all of this an excellent experience for me, but I have had such wonderful chances to brighten people's days. I've had charming conversations with elderly ladies in my building's laundry room as I help them with their laundry. I occasionally chat with people at the local coffee shop. And, even today, I felt led to turn around on Burbank Ave. instead of going straight home and because of that, I had fun lending a hand to Mr. P., who was just like talking to my own Grandpa.
So, I guess when those times arise that I feel like I've been placed here from moments like those. This summer has been a time of reflection for me, for even as I sat in Eaton Centre one morning last week, I could help but write down a few realizations:
Why is it that we can pat ourselves on the back for nothing at all, but to walk up to a stranger, and compliment them, is completely and utterly unheard of or, if done so, mocked entirely as being "weird?"
Why do we watch in silence, then comment later when there is no relevence to our complaints? To speak up, at the time of action, would cause far more societal improvements than passive whining in all its anti-glory.
Why can we not smile a greeting to those whom we pass, and yet wonder why no one smiles at us? Forgetting our pride and taking the first step would fair us far better.
I guess that as long as I keep my sunny outlook on life, my glass will always be half-full and my skies mostly sunny.
In any case, good night and sweet dreams...
I finally found myself a job!
